Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
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