Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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