Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
