I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
