i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
