Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
