What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
