so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He felt like a one man threesome
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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