When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
