i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I wish you could order shots online.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
