it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
