Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
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Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
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GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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