Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
