I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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