I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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