she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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