What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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