Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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