You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
