By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
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