I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
