I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
