drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
