So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
