I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
