I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
