i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
