...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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