She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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