Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
