alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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