its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
