I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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