I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Randomize
