Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
