Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
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