Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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