I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
