Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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