and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
No...this little piggys going to the bar
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
