What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
