I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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