So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
