Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
