Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
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