dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
