Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
