I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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