The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
this is an emotional support booty call
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
