wanna go halves on a baby?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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