Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
