I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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