I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
