Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
