Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
