I'm jealous of your bromance
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
