Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
