2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
