Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
