A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
