I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
