i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
