marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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