Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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