I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
