non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
