You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
you would pick up someone in the library
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
