When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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