I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize