We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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