In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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