I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
