I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
