Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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