My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
