TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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